2 comical poems

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Two poems for a giggle. The first one which I’m reading to you is based on a true conversation which I found so bizarre I wrote it down in full afterwards. The one about the teenager is just me venting but it will no doubt ring A few bells!

Easter Tea

with

Auntie

Doris

more music

The silent treatment
(My advice to parents with a teenage son)

Do not speak to him at the following times:
Between the hours of 7am -
( Except to wake him and then try not to repeat yourself) - and 8.30am
( when you have dutifully chauffeured him to school in silence.)
Nor between the hours of 3.05pm- when you must not ask how his day went.
(rather provide sugary drink and snack)
and 6.30pm when you may call him down to eat.
Do not talk to him whilst he is reading, watching TV or eating .
Do not ask him about homework, nor dare to suggest there may be a letter waiting in a crumpled heap at the bottom of his school bag.
Do not volunteer to help with his homework.
Above all, do not suggest looking in an encyclopaedia for the answer.
This is just showing your age and will result in much flying off the handle,
enraged stamping about and ensuing disdain.
Do not even think about talking to his friends if they phone!
Do not embarrass him by speaking to him in a public place at all.

Should some snippet of information be volunteered:
Do not be fooled into thinking this was a conversation opener and make the mistake of questioning him further on the subject.
If brief words are exchanged from time to time on no account remark on:
The length of his hair
Choice of his friends,
State of his room
Style of his clothes,
Or the kind of “music” he plays.

But Do
Sort out the wifi so that uninterrupted virtual chat is facilitated
And sort out the socks - ( which can be found by prostrating yourself to prod beneath the TV set, X-Box, bed et-cetera)
Wash the games kit and fold neatly so that all items are readily available for shoving into kit bags without the need for a pre-school run row.

Should any of these avoidance techniques fail to work:
Console yourself that you may do better tomorrow
and that this can only last another five years.
Meanwhile you may find yourself wandering into a Church.
Finally do give him a hug when requested and
Say I love you often- if only to remind yourself that you do!